O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
“Why you—!” Vlad was now purple with rage.
“WITH A NOSTRIL HERE AND A NOSTRIL THERE HERE A
NOSTRIL THERE A NOSTRIL EVERYWHERE A NOSTRIL
NOSTRIL—”
“I’m going to
kill
this asshole!” screamed Vlad and threw himself
at the helpless Harvey, who continued to sing, until Jewel quickly
rushed to the scientist’s aid by jumping between them and pulling the
gag back up over his mouth.
“Let’s not get carried away, sweetie,” said Jewel softly, trying to
calm him down. “This man is of great value to us, remember? He’s
going to help us realize our dream of a United Earth! If we kill him,
his great invention will be dead in the water.”
“You’re right, darling,” said Vlad, catching his breath. “I guess I
just lost my head. Let me try again.”
He strode proudly over to Harvey and began speaking this time
in a confident tone, one more befitting a man who ultimately saw
himself as the shoo-in for Commander-in-Chief of an entire planet.
He also tried to force more air through his mouth, so as not to sound
so nasal.
“This is where we stand,” Vlad intoned. “The earth as we know it
today is essentially a cesspit of unhappy people who, no longer able
to find solace in the religions of old, have turned away from the skies
and resorted to digging up the planet in search of a suitable
replacement. What we are hurtling towards, as everyone knows, is an
inevitable ecological, moral and social breakdown. Man has seen this
coming for a long time now, and has tried to do many things to stop
it. He’s started fund-raising drives and allocated portions of national
budgets for research. He’s passed legislation and he’s put on concerts
with such flashy names as
EarthParty
and
WorldFix
and
Come On,
Do Something!
with the interest of garnering public support and
help. Billions of dollars have been raised and many laws have been
passed, but still people are unhappy, still the world becomes more
and more polluted each day, still social imbalance tears apart
communities and families. And the reason? Laws don’t get passed
fast enough to cover all the new problems that spring up and despite
all the money raised, no one has come up with any good ideas for
what to do with it.
“Many people nowadays claim they are waiting for the so-called
Age of Aquarius, in which everyone will just miraculously drop all
their petty, destructive ways and we will all get together and sing in
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