Just then, Shiva returned from the kitchen, sashaying down the
aisle like a fashion model on a catwalk on a dinghy in a storm.
Although visually appealing, the exaggerated motion of her hips only
helped to make Harvey feel even more nauseous. Milo, on the other
hand, was drooling in his own lap.
“Have you gentlemen decided yet?” she said mellifluously.
“Um. Not really,” said Milo, “Don’t you have any normal food?
Like the kind that people from Earth eat?”
“Yes, we do have consensually accepted cuisine. It’s on the
children’s menu,” she said, pointing to the back page. To their
surprise and relief, there was a full list of normal foods, from
pepperoni pizza to chef’s salads to liver and onions. Still, it was a little
insulting to have one’s tastes relegated to the status of immature, and
Milo, for one, was a tad offended.
“Who they callin’ children? I been shaving for years!”
“You are clearly quite an advanced specimen,” replied Shiva,
“But our philosophy at Pangaea is that we can’t be mature until we all
embrace the entire human condition, not just our narrow little
corners of the world. After all, a melting pot isn’t a melting pot if the
beans stay on one side and the greens on the other. What we’ve got
to do is stop boiling the stew, you see, and start making fondue.”
There was a short silence, until Milo finally exclaimed a little too
loudly, “Is somebody supposed to be the
beans
here?”
Shiva rolled her eyes. “No honey. Nevermind. How about a club
sandwich?”
“Sure, that sounds good,” said Milo.
“You know, if you’d like to be a little daring, the special today is
really tasty.” She pointed to a little card that was attached to the top
of the menu.
“Iguanaburger?” said Milo, a little apprehensively.
“Really, it’s good. Tastes like chicken.”
“Oh, what the hell. Sure,” he said, “And uh—how ‘bout a side of
beans?” He winked.
Harvey, still feeling a little nauseous, decided to play it safe with
the club sandwich. Shiva returned to the kitchen with the orders.
“Children’s menu again,” she called dejectedly to the cook.
H O L Y S H I T !
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