O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
imagine this comes as much of a surprise.”
The crowd was rather surprised, but not at that. A performance
like this was directly in line with the subject matter of Hopkins’ song.
What they
were
surprised about was that the Pasadena New Year’s
Day Parade, normally a bastion of conservative tastes, would approve
such a racy performance. A few left huffily, crying blasphemy, but
most were more concerned when it was the oddly-dressed backup
singers would stop the intro and start singing.
“Good. I am glad to see that you all are going to react maturely to
what must no doubt be vexing news. However, it is important that we
explain a few important details to you before proceeding.
“Many of you consider yourselves good Christians or Muslims or
Jews or Buddhists or Hindus or Zoroastrians. You have been
informed that adopting the teachings of one of these religions will
prepare for you a place in some sort of eternal paradise.
Unfortunately, in the years between our original appearances and the
present moment, our original teachings have become corrupted, and
as a result, the religions that you now follow, are at best, poor
approximations. Sorry about that.”
Once again, the crowd seemed to take the news quite well.
“One of the most important elements on which you have all
somehow become misguided is this obsession with good versus evil.
Truthfully, there is no such thing as good or evil. That’s an egocentric
delusion. The only relevant poles are that of temperance and
intemperance. And what we are here to determine is whether, on an
individual level and as a group, you have tempered your selfish,
shortsighted instincts, or if you are still the ignorant, greedy,
destructive little vermin you were thousands of years ago.
“You see, without a broad wisdom, intelligence and power are
always used in an ultimately destructive, regressive manner, and as
history has proven, havoc always ensues. Has your collective wisdom
progressed? Have you made the right choices? These are the
questions we are here to find out. It is this that we will be obliged to
judge you on.
“But don’t worry. Contrary to many of your present beliefs, this
judgment won’t culminate in your being sent to hell or anything as
uncomfortable as that. You don’t have that to fear. If we decide that
you fail our test, you will not suffer in some horrible underground
cavern. You will merely cease to exist, and we’ll merely have to start
over.”
55
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