promoter or stagehand or whomever was in charge had thought it
necessary to include such an obnoxious light display, especially
during such a soulful blues number, but music nowadays was so
unpredictable that they generally thought nothing of it.
It quickly became evident what the flashes were for, as the crowd
regained its sight and noticed the new troupe of backup singers that
had appeared on stage in front of Deaf Melon. Nifty special effects,
those. There was a heavy silence as everyone waited for the singers to
break into a nice
ooh-ahh
or whatever it is that backup singers
normally break into. The crowd waited, and as pauses do when they
are stretched beyond their intended length, this one seemed ready to
rupture.
“Hey you assholes, get off my stage!” cried Deaf Lemon. He had
never seen anything so rude. A bunch of freaks just coming in and
screwing up his song on national TV. It was damnable. Could it be
edited out? He wondered where the hell security was.
From the vantage point of the crowd, it was impossible to see
Gareth, Bob and Muchoman, who had been knocked unconscious
when they had run out into the path of the explosions. They were now
napping peacefully on the rear portion of the parquet stage floor.
Yeshua calmly walked over to the microphone stand, and took it
away from Hopkins. After adjusting the height, and saying “check” as
he had seen humans do on TV, he began speaking.
“Greetings. No doubt, you are all surprised by our unannounced
appearance. We must extend to you our apologies for having
interrupted this fine celebration. However, the gravity of what I am
about to impart to can not be understated. Nor can the seriousness in
which I present it. If you will bear with me, I will explain everything.
Perhaps, however, you should first sit down.”
There were no chairs. People remained standing.
“Very well. Let me get straight to the point.” He paused,
preparing himself for the magnitude of the moment.
“I am the prophet Yeshua.
Jesus Christ
, you call me. Beside me
are the rest of what are considered to be your world’s greatest
religious prime movers: Buddha, Mohammed, Moses, Krishna, and
finally, Zarathustra.”
“Who?” screamed a young man in the front row.
“
Zarathustra
,” replied Yeshua. “Anyway, we have returned to the
earth after a long period of absence to pass a judgment on you. Since
much of your culture supports the idea of an Armageddon, I don’t
H O L Y S H I T !
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