arms around wildly. In his hand was an ill-fated young lady! She was
doomed to fall to her death if someone didn’t rescue her
immediately. There was no way the flimsy structure could support
the weight of an adult human being—the whole thing was made of
flowers. Her predicament was compounded by the fact that the
driver, obviously drunk, was unaware of the crisis and kept on
driving.
There was no question what had to be done.
Instantaneously, the hero turned off his invisibility, jumped over
the barrier, and charged towards the float. He scaled the structure in
a flash and called out to the woman, “Don’t panic! I’m coming to save
you!”
Relieved to see him, she stopped screaming. After quickly scaling
the apparatus and arriving at the giant burglar’s shoulder, he began
to climb out onto the arm so that he could remove the girl from the
giant hand. As he did so, she cried, “What the fuck are you doing
mister? Get off the goddamn float! This thing can’t hold us both!”
It was heartwarming that she could be so selfless in the face of
danger.
“Don’t worry madam, I am Muchoman and it is my duty to save
you. There is nothing to fear, you see, I have made myself weightless.
This giant burglar’s arm will not buckle, I promise you. Reach out
your hand to me so that I may pull you out of harm’s way.”
“Burglar? It’s King Kong! And I’m supposed to be Fay Wray. Now
get your ass off of here before I punch you in the face!”
Clearly she must be have been suffering from shock. A woman as
beautiful as this wouldn’t use such filthy language. Very well, he
realized that he would have to climb closer and forcefully pull her
out. When he reached out his hand to hers, she pulled it back and
punched him in the nose.
Muchoman lost his grip and caught himself on the burglar’s
forearm. A moment later the float stopped and the sudden jerk
caused the giant limb to begin breaking off from the main structure.
Because of this, both he and the woman were destined to plunge
straight to the asphalt—forty feet below! Just before the arm broke
free, he grabbed her and held her tightly to him so that he could
absorb her impact from the fall. Muchoman prayed that his rock-
hard body would provide enough cushioning to save her from injury.
When they hit the asphalt, it felt strangely soft and springy. After
they bounced a few feet in the air, he realized that security officials
H O L Y S H I T !
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