some expert advice as to what her next step should be. She figured
she still had a few hours to get the car back to its rightful owner.
Pulling the Buick up to the trailer, which was parked on an
isolated patch of sand and scrub brush about forty meters from the
road, Victoria overestimated the traction the soft earth provided, and
what with the outrageous lack of braking power, there was nothing to
do but grimace as the old Buick station wagon slid with a hollow
boom into the stationary aluminum shell.
Opening her eyes a fraction of a second later, she saw a figure
standing a few meters from the passenger’s-side door. Recoiling at
first, Victoria realized that it was indeed Jewel, only why was she
raising that large stick over her head—and what was that strange
incantation she was invoking? Victoria quickly pushed open her door
and ran out of the car.
“Jewlie! It’s me, Victoria!”
The stick fell to the ground.
“What the—? Victoria, sweetheart! I should have known!” She
ran over and gave her dear friend a suffocating hug. “I had a
premonition of something ominous coming this way, and had been
keeping watch with my
tungalpanaluan
stick in case I needed to
mount a defense. But I would never have guessed that it was going to
be you crashing into my home, darling. You just naturally assume
that your friends might try a more subtle approach—like maybe the
door bell.”
“Oh, Jewlie, I’m sorry. I just—”
“I know it’s not your fault, my dear. This car is a real beast. I’m
picking up a strong indication that you need new brake pads on your
rear wheels and that a severely warped front axle is making steering
a major nuisance for you.”
“God, you’re
really
getting good at this,” said Victoria in
astonishment.
Madame Jewel smiled. “Actually, Vlad has been teaching me all
about auto maintenance,” she said. “That burning odor indicates
your brakes have worn out, and the uneven tread wear on your tires
is a dead giveaway that your axle is screwed.”
Victoria looked mildly forlorn.
“However,” she added quickly, “you are also wearing pink
underpants.”
“Wow!” said Victoria, brightening.
All of a sudden, the screen door flew open and a short man of
H O L Y S H I T !
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