CHAPTER 42
When the electricity came back on in the studio, not only were the
Pangaeans gone, but the prophets too. That left the MLF, the
audience, Gareth, Bob, Muchoman and Barth, all wondering exactly
what had happened, what was happening, and consequently, what
would happen. The house lights had come on with such an intensity
that everyone in the room was forced to squint.
The screen flashed and crackled, and gradually the image of
Zarathustra emerged from the static. Behind him the other five
prophets came into focus as well. His voice began to boom clearly
from the speakers. It was as if they were still there and not actually
worlds apart.
“That is it, I’m afraid. Your test is over,” Zarathustra announced,
markedly more somber than he had been on stage. “We are now
ready to inform you of your status. First, I would like to take this
opportunity to thank those of you who befriended us during our stay.
Mr. Gareth Schlechtmann, though misguided about the nature of the
divine and guilty of many transgressions, was nevertheless a
gentleman and a genius. Muchoman, though a little unbalanced, was
as much a hero as anyone could ever hope to be. Bob Rigmaroli,
disadvantaged as a youth, and ignorant as an adolescent, nonetheless
showed a great deal of spirit, sincerity and promise. We will address
Mr. Marcus Lemon Hopkins momentarily. To these four and to the
rest of you who strove for goodness under pressure, we salute you
and say this: no matter what your future holds for you, many of you
have proved yourselves heroes, on your way to being gods.”
Zarathustra conferred momentarily with the others, then
returned to face the camera.
“Now, as for what the future holds—” he continued, “We have
some tragic news.”
Hearts everywhere fell like lead, straining to reach the molten
core of the Earth. Anywhere they could hide.
“Due to the altercation and disruption that occurred during the
final episode of ‘The Human Race,’” Zarathustra reported, “a power
shortage caused us to lose the coordinates of Marcus Lemon
Hopkins, and he has been lost forever to the Dreamtime. We are very
sorry. He was a man of immeasurable talent, despite his mediocre
albums.
“Nevertheless, before we lost him, some of his mission had been
H O L Y S H I T !
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