O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
around and announced to all those who could hear, “This is not
Nanahuatzin! This is an impostor! He is not The One With Pimples!”
“Well, thanks, I guess,” Muchoman said ambivalently. “Your
shaman gave me some ointment—”
“You shall be the first to die!” cried the priest, grabbing
Muchoman by the throat and raising the knife high above his head.
“Oh, crap,” said Muchoman.
But the knife didn’t drop as planned. Muchoman’s friend, the
Mayan king had appeared suddenly and placed his own sword in the
path of the blade, sending it clattering harmlessly to the stone
platform. Before the outraged holy man could retaliate, the Mayan
shouted at him, “Don’t be foolish! Look at what is happening!” He
pointed down to the gathering below and cried, “Quetzalcoatl has
returned!”
Thinking the Mayan bluffing, the priest hesitated, but
immediately noticed that Montezuma and his entourage had
vanished. He peered down at the square below. Sure enough, a small
army of large, white-skinned and bearded men had arrived.
According to Mayan legend, when Quetzalcoatl left, he promised
that someday he would come back. The Aztecs believed this too. Far
more extraordinary even than the return of Nanahuatzin, was the
return of the great plumed serpent, the most powerful of all gods, the
destroyer of worlds. The priest and the Mayan king rushed down the
stairs with the others to supplicate to the supreme deity and his
minions.
Unfortunately for the Aztecs, they had fallen under an additional,
more tragic case of mistaken identity. The impressive figure that
matched Quetzalcoatl in appearance was not a god—only a man, one
Cortez of Spain. Yet this man would do more damage to their world
than any god had ever done. He and his army had burned their own
ships as testament to their dedication. Their metal skin could not be
pierced, and they rode atop fearsome creatures big as houses. For
these invaders from across the sea, only the greatest of all sacrifices
would ever be sufficient—human sacrifice only being a small part of
their agenda. These Spanish invaders would be satisfied with no less
than the sacrifice of the entire Aztec nation. And the Mayan. And all
the rest. And they would put the Aztecs’ own intricate cruelties to
shame.
As the greatest conquerors in Meso-America faced the greatest
conquerors in Europe, the One With Pimples carefully slunk away
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