O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
why would we want the girls wearing anything?”
“Yes, and I think sex with animals is something one should do in
the privacy of their own home,” said Humungulus.
The others agreed. Bob grew a little frustrated.
“But don’t you see?” he said, “Like, what fun is it to play with
someone if they
let
you win? You want to nail the chicks and they
want to nail you. Right? But see, they pretend they don’t. So you’ve
got to make them think you like them for some other reason, like
maybe their mind.
Then
they take off their toga and let you nail ‘em.”
“That’s absurd!” cried Syphillus, “It makes no sense!”
“I disagree!” said Epithelian, “It is both an orgy and a sporting
event! Like wrestling, one must trick the prey into his trap! Then the
conquest is even more glorious!”
“But it makes no sense!” repeated Syphillus.
“Neither does two sweaty grown men rolling around, tearing
each other apart,” said Epithelian.
“That’s not what the
Greeks
thought!” laughed Humungulus,
pointing to his butt.
After a few more arguments and bad jokes, the committee voted.
It was decided that they would give Bob’s strange idea a shot and see
what happens. And if worst came to worst, they still had a few barrels
of butter left over from the previous orgy, which had been a lot of fun.
In the interest of keeping Armageddon a sober affair, the orgy was
not shown on “The Human Race.” This aroused a series of
subsequent protests, in which it was argued by many viewers that if
this was in fact their trial, they should be allowed to see all the
evidence at face value. Of course, most of the protests came from
those who just wanted to see the orgy for its own sake. The prophets
countered the grievance by saying that since they had placed him in
the situation, equal to entrapment, the first orgy had no bearing on
Bob’s overall performance in the event. If it had, they might have
condemned the entire human race on the spot.
Bob was an immediate hit in Ancient Rome. His toga party was wildly
successful, creating in the men’s minds the illusion that they were
incredibly smooth operators, and in the prostitutes’ minds the
illusion that, besides just being sex objects, they were fantastically
intelligent and witty. Plus, the togas added a tantalizing sense of
mystery. So what happened was everyone’s egos became so pumped
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