O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
The audience applauded, but not because they were entertained.
The applause indicator had merely gone on.
“And now, we’re going to meet the contestants,” Zarathustra
said. “The four fellows who are going to be your representatives for
Judgment Day.”
The prophet strolled over to a portion of the stage that suddenly
lit up in a dazzling array of multicolored lights and visual effects.
Presented to the world as their heroic moral gladiators were four
men, each seated on simple living-room furniture, looking as if they
had merely gathered to have coffee and chat rather than battle for the
survival of an entire species.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, starting on
the left, Bob Rigmaroli!”
Bob stood up and raised his fists in the air.
“Bob here is a Recreation Engineer. According to a dubious-
looking identification card, he is twenty-one years old. Anything to
say, Bob?”
“Yeah! We’re gonna kick some ass! Whoooo-hooo! Yeah!” Bob
exulted, and after absorbing the drawn out cheering of the crowd,
was finally coerced into sitting back down.
“Thanks Bob. Next, we’ve got a contestant, known to the world
simply as Muchoman! Muchoman is a professional super hero and
refuses to divulge any personal information. But I can tell you this:
he makes an amazing enchilada casserole! Anything to say,
Muchoman?”
Muchoman stood up and surveyed the crowd.
“I have only this to say: Fear not, citizens of the world. I have
undertaken as my personal mission to rescue mankind from
extinction, and when Muchoman takes on a mission, he never fails.
You are in good hands, dear friends. I am here to protect you from
harm!”
The crowd applauded politely, many of them wondering if this
wasn’t a totally serious contest after all. Zarathustra moved on.
“Next, we have a man you all know well,” he said, “Marcus
Hopkins, formerly known as Deaf Lemon Hopkins, the blues
superstar! Tell us, Mr. Hopkins, why did you change your name?”
Hopkins stood up slowly and spoke calmly into the mike.
“Because I ain’t deaf no more, my career’s over, and my mama didn’t
name me Deaf Lemon.”
“That certainly makes sense.”
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