She cackled, and accidentally cut her mouth on a hangnail.
The show began somberly. Initially absent were the glitz and
graphics that normally accompanied such high-profile events, but
this only added to the drama of the spectacle and underscored its
seriousness. The soundtrack began with “Thus Spake Zarathustra,”
and accordingly, Zarathustra was acting as announcer for the
program. He had reviewed many videotapes of sporting events and
game shows in order to help make his delivery more convincing.
Jauntily, he skipped out on stage now to make his presentation.
Arriving at center stage, the lights and special effects came on with
blinding ferocity. When he spoke, it was in an affected and booming
baritone.
“Welcome! Welcome to the first of a four-day series of shows that
we call “The Human Race!” Some may call it
Armageddon
—but
you’ll call it pure
excitement!
” he said, grinning, “At stake is the
future of the human race itself. If the majority of the four contestants
pass the tests given to them, humans will be allowed to go on running
down the long and lovely track of life, but if not, well—
Adios
muchacho
!”
In the judges booth, Yeshua sat wondering if maybe they made a
mistake in choosing Zarathustra to host the program. He was a trifle
glib.
“First, let’s meet our judges!” Zarathustra continued, skipping
across the stage. As he introduced each prophet, the camera trained
in on each of the handsome, intense faces. “May I present to you:
Jesus Christ, Krishna, Mohammed, Moses, Siddhartha Gautama the
Buddha and I, your host, Zarathustra!”
The audience applauded.
“Thank you. Thank you very much. And now, before I introduce
the contestants, I’d like to ask you all an important question. Given
what you know about your history, do you think that the human race
has improved over the last two-thousand years? And I’m not talking
about have you made better toys or learned more facts or improved
your personal hygiene. I’m talking about
moral
improvement. Have
you grown more honest, more wise, more aware? Have you learned
the right way to live? Or are you still the small-minded, petty, greedy,
fearful and embarrassing little creatures that you were when we were
here last? Well, it is a hard question, and it’s one that we’re going to
try to answer in these next four evenings of “The Human Race.”
H O L Y S H I T !
192
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