O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
He flipped around a little more, and winced, arriving at yet
another commercial featuring himself making a testimonial. Doug
watched himself on television crowing: “The Chrysler Cordon Blue!
Just what I’m wanting for to be happy! Thank you very big! I am so
happy now I think!” As he drove off into the sunset, A suave voice-
over implored, “Chrysler. What more could you possibly want?”
“How about for some automatical ashtrays that work!” Doug
yelled at the television set, “—You dirty goat droppings!” He flung the
remote control at the screen with all his might, but since the screen
was all the way at the other end of the living room, the remote only
made it about half-way before clattering to the floor.
“Dag!” shouted Doug.
“Oh, don’t worry about it Dougie. I’ll get it!” said Melinda, just
coming indoors after swimming in the
octopool
, his giant octopus-
shaped outdoor pool, “I’d do anything for you, my darling.”
“You say this many time,” Doug said, “But I don’t know if it is
telling you of truth always.”
After spending a night stranded on Hopkins’ balcony, Melinda
wasted no time in looking for a new beau. After a few false starts, she
saw the television program about Doug and knew for certain that she
could relieve him of his problem. Now she pretended to be hurt.
“How can you say this, after all we’ve been through?” she cried
from the other end of the room.
“What have we been all through?” asked Doug.
“Well, lots of sex, first of all.”
“Yes. True. You give me good humping, Melinda. For a while I
was thinking this is what I want of life. More than Chrysler Cordon
Blue and big TV anyways.”
“I love you, Doug,” she replied, handing him the remote.
“You having big heart, I think, Melinda. Maybe we should
marrying after all.”
“Oh Doug!” she cried and ran to give him a warm embrace. “I’m
so—”
“Wait!” he interrupted her. “Big show is starting now! Something
for having excitement! Please to give foot rub while I watch.”
Melinda complied, even going so far as to suck on his toes, but
knowing all the while that the mouth would soon be on the other foot,
so to speak. Or something like that. If she had her way, soon Doug
would find himself the sucker, with his own big foot stuck squarely in
his own mouth. Here comes the bride, there go the bank accounts.
191
 |
 |
 |
 |