throbbing head and stepped back. “Hey, look! It’s Darth Vader!” he
joked. So, Darth. Let’s use the force here, okay? This is the machine
that you built. We have had some very smart technicians poring over
it for some time now, and
let me tell you
—” he paused dramatically,
“They have no friggin’ clue about it. A bunch of total idiots. However,
they were able to create something entirely new for us, and although
its not as profound as your creation, I think its a hell of a lot more
funny! Tell him about it, Johanness!”
“It basically fries your brain to a crisp, like a french-fry machine,”
Barth said, “But worse.”
“That’s right!” Cain said. “This is the clever invention that these
technicians managed to invent while trying to recreate your machine.
We’re pretty sure it works, because some guy named Ingrid now
thinks he’s a flounder. Still, it needs some more research, and we
figured you’d be just the guy to help us. Whaddya say?”
“No?” Harvey managed the best he could with a sock in his
mouth.
“Fair enough. Then tell us where the chip is.”
“Uhh—” waffled Harvey.
“
Ribbit!
” joked Barth.
Harvey yelled, “I’m telling you, I don’t know what you’re talking
about!”
“Aha. Well then, we’ll just have to see if we can shock those
memories back. Cain?”
Cain smiled and began to power up the mysterious new machine.
Harvey gazed heavenward and tried to calm his pounding heart. So
this was going to be the end of all he knew? He had always imagined
himself dying at his desk, an influential and admired Nobel laureate,
halted not by circumstance or failure, but by the gentle fading of the
physical. Now that the pain in his crotch had subsided, a sudden rush
of adoration, for life for mind and for body which must have been
laying dormant in a gland somewhere, now flooded his organs like
anti-freeze. It cried out “I AM!” and in doing so proclaimed that to
deny this statement would be to deny the entire universe. There was
simply no way that he could allow that to happen. He had to object.
He looked over at Spinoza who was screeching and grabbing at his
crotch. This reminded him of something…the last time they came
here together. An idea presented itself.
“I am!” cried Harvey.
“You are what?” replied Barth contemptuously. “Let me guess.
H O L Y S H I T !
168
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