entire plan into disarray.
Shiva and Victoria sat in Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles in East
Hollywood. trying to figure out what might have happened to
Harvey. Don Wong suggested that they wait in L.A. for a day or two
in case he turned up.
“Fried chicken and waffles,” said Shiva, looking askance at her
plate. “What a weird combination.”
Victoria thought this a strange comment coming from the
woman who invented Spam sushi. She bit into a chicken leg and
glanced over Shiva’s shoulder at the bleating television.
A news item was on, presenting a very rich man who was
frustrated because he didn’t know what to do with his money. Hard
life, thought Victoria.
Shiva looked too. It occurred to her that if youth was wasted on
the young because they didn’t have the maturity to enjoy it, so was
money was wasted on the rich because they hadn’t the poverty to
dream. This fellow was different, however, because until recently he
had been rather poor and therefore had plenty of dreams. The
problem was that it only took him a few weeks to buy them all.
“So what you’re saying, Doug,” the reporter said to the newly-
rich fellow, “is that you’ve been having a hard time finding things to
spend your money on.”
“Yes. I know not what is good reason for having such money. I
hope to American people to help me with good idea for spending.”
“How about a nice mansion? A few cars? A really big TV set?”
“I have three huge mansion now, a Lamborghini Goulash, twenty
Megamart franchise being building, and small city in Florida for
mama. I have more money than my native country, Ugaboogisthan.”
“Where is that? I have never heard of it.”
“It used to be called Zebohhugistakia before becoming part of
Soviet Union. Now is called something else. I forget. It is famous for
to develop sardine-in-can idea. Is very rich country until everyone
else figure out how to make sardine can. Now not so rich. I have room
filled with sardine-in-can in my mansion now. Still, I am not happy.
What do people buy in America to being happy?”
The reporter scratched his head with the microphone, producing
a rough noise that sounded like he had a head of sandpaper. Victoria
was pretty sure that he, and nearly every other human being
watching this program was now trying to figure out how to convince
H O L Y S H I T !
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