a hillbilly voice, “We wanna see some miracles! Look—even I can do
miracles. Anton?”
The drummer executed another drumroll while Dave performed
a trick that looked as if he were removing part of his thumb and then
putting it back together again. The drummer hit his crash cymbal to
which Dave yelled, “Yeah!” and threw up his hands in triumph. The
audience, predictably, went wild.
Unfortunately, so did Krishna.
“You imbecile!” the blue-skinned god screamed, leaping to his
feet. “It’s all very well to have a little fun and make merry at the
expense of your guests, but this cavalier attitude of yours is digging
you and your race into a deeper and deeper hole! Are human beings
so benumbed that the only way they will take anything seriously is if
the specter of violence is associated with it? Are you so ignorant that
you actually require such biblical threats as flood and fire and
brimstone to behave with dignity? If that is the case, then there is no
place for you in this world, because you will have proven yourself
incapable of the humility necessary for proper inheritance of the
earth. And you will have shown that by still requiring the gods to
instruct you how to live and to punish you into awareness, you have
not progressed from the children you were thousands of years ago to
the adults we were hoping you might be today. If we must treat you
like primitive children and spank you to get your attention, so be it.
So be it
.”
David Letterman hurled his pencil backwards through the fake
window pane behind him, sending it sailing down into the pretend
New York skyline. A phony crashing-sound accompanied the
breaking of the non-existent glass, while the pencil toppled into an
oblivion that was not there.
“Hey,” said Dave, “No wonder you’re so blue. You gotta lighten
up, buddy.”
CHAPTER 24
The earthquakes raged for four days.
Many buildings in were destroyed, but miraculously, there were
no casualties. However, people were exhausted from the lack of sleep
that the hourly tremblors produced, which would have been bearable
on their own, if not for the unreasonably hot weather that sent people
H O L Y S H I T !
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