O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
realizing this, Milo reacted. He hurled the radio at the hatch, which,
falling with a thud on Vlad’s helmet, sent him quietly sinking back
into the morass and effectively sealed the tank once again.
Jewel was horrified, but there was nothing she could say, as the
foreman entered the room a moment later. He was so happy with
himself that he didn’t even notice that Vlad was missing.
“So sorry to keep you waiting, friends! Apparently
some
folks
think that people will fall for anything!” the foreman said proudly.
When it was apparent that no one was going ask him to elaborate, he
did anyway.
“See, some fella just called and told me I had been chosen for the
sanitation industry’s Man of the Year award, which I don’t have to
tell you is a very big honor.” He could tell by the looks on their faces
that was something he didn’t have to tell them. “And so he says to me,
‘For legal purposes, we have to check some information,’ and I say,
‘shoot,’ and he says, ‘First off, your name on the trophy should read
Stewart L. Samples
, is that correct?’ And then I know what he’s up
to, and I say, ‘Yeah. But that’s not my name, dummy. Stew L.
Samples? That’s just the name I use when I sign up for seven CDs for
a penny and have no intention of ever buying any more from you, so
take your trophy and shove it up your ass you record-company
bastard!’ Pretty funny, huh? Say, you don’t think those record-club
guys would ever come down here and try and bust me, do you?”
Milo and Jewel shook their heads, not to reassure the foreman,
but to lament the fact that they had somehow obtained his idiotic
pseudonym instead of his real name.
“See! I told you that Sanitation Engineers know bullshit when
they smell it! Say,” blurted the excited foreman suddenly, “Speaking
of which, it kind of stinks in here! Some odor seems to have been
leaking.” He said this confidently, having already expelled all his gas
while on the phone with Don Wong.
“Perhaps the seal isn’t closed tightly enough,” he suggested,
pointing to the top of CRUDD.
Jewel and Milo stiffened.
“Oh! Wait, I bet I know what it is,” said the foreman, correcting
himself. “The IFOF’s probably acting up again. Why don’t you folks
come over here and take a look at an important part of the collection
process.” He led them over to a large steel contraption that seemed to
house a series of thin drawers. On one of the drawers, a light was
flashing. Pressing a button on the side of it caused the drawer to slide
123
 |
 |
 |
 |