hour or so,” said Jewel cheerily, handing him an official-looking
document. “It isn’t everyday that an aspiring plumber gets to witness
an operation on this scale, you know, and let me tell you, we’re really
all very excited,” she said, winking.
“Really?” said the foreman, taking a large bite of his sandwich
and chewing thoughtfully. “Well, you know, ma’am, we’re really quite
busy around here. Sanitation for a building this size is no easy job.
However, you seem sincere. If there’s one thing a sanitation engineer
knows when he smells it, it’s bullshit, right?” he laughed carefully, so
as not to release his fart.
“Ha ha ha!” laughed Jewel, “How clever you are! I must include
that comment in one of my lectures! Of course, you wouldn’t mind?”
“No, not at all. So you’re a lecturer, eh? What’s your specialty?”
Jewel calmed herself. She knew nothing about this stuff, but she
could find out. All she had to do was try and read the foreman’s mind
and see what kind of answer he expected. Most likely, that would be
the thing foremost on his mind at that moment. She focused her eyes
on his forehead and breathed deeply.
“Odor control,” she said.
“Mmm,” said the foreman, stiffening.
“Perhaps you could give us a tour?” Jewel said sweetly.
“Sure!” the foreman said, jumping up. “Follow me!”
They walked out of his office and down a hall, into a giant room
filled with numerous firmly sealed pipes and tanks, and a few languid
employees who seemed to be employed in keeping their eyelids as
firmly shut as the tanks.
Then they noticed the horrible smell. Milo gagged.
“Looks like you guys could use some odor control yourself!”
joked Jewel to the foreman, holding her nose. The foreman looked
momentarily aghast, and seemed eager to change the subject. It was
just as well, she noted, as the stench seemed to have faded.
After an extensive tour of the facility that could only be described
as “extensive,” Jewel, Vlad and Milo found themselves in the
Collection of Refuse and Underground Dispatch Department
(CRUDD) staring at the biggest heap of shit any of them had ever
seen since Harvey’s Buick.
“And this is where all the waste and excreta of the building goes
to die—and to be reborn.” the foreman spoke reverently, as if he was
indeed discussing something religious. “As you well know,” he went
on, “since the Sanitation Reform bill was passed a few years back, all
H O L Y S H I T !
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