O l i v e r B e n j a m i n
Could I tag along and watch you guys at work?”
“Thanks young fellow!” crooned Vlad, “You’re a-OK!” as they
tramped into the next room.
Bob watched them leave, and grabbed another piece of pizza. “I
know that guy from somewhere. I’m sure he’s famous or something,”
he said.
“A famous pizza guy who wants to be a plumber? Right. I’ll be a
fucking monkey’s uncle,” said Wade, a stringy piece of cheese
flapping on the corner of his mouth.
“Wait!” cried Bob, “That reminds me of something—monkey,
uncle—hmm—”
“He’s your uncle?” burped Leonard.
“Hey! That’s it! Wait, no—”
Bob tried to think but gave up and focused his attention on the
pizza.
Meanwhile, the sanitation foreman was having lunch as well while
reading the funny papers from three weeks ago. He no longer found
them funny, having read them every day for the last three weeks, but
for some reason that he could not guess, he needed to occupy his
mind while he ate, and there was nothing else in his office to read. He
had already read the labels on the Coke can and the bag of chips that
came with his sandwich. He even read the receipt. After finishing the
funny papers, he began to count ceiling tiles until he got a crick in his
neck and had to stop.
He decided to just pay attention to his meal, how it tasted, what
the texture was like, how it made him feel. He tried that. How did it
taste? Like a ham-and-cheese sandwich, chips and a Coke. What was
the texture like? Chewy, crunchy, and fizzy, respectively. How did it
made him feel? It made him feel like reading something. It was no
use. Having nothing to distract himself from himself made him
anxious, and eating while anxious gave him gas.
Just as he was about to squeeze out a fart, an odd troupe of
strangers entered his office. Ah! Something to occupy himself with
while he was eating. He wiped his hands on his shirt, shook their
hands and invited them to sit down.
“What can I do for you?” the foreman said, glad to be able to
share the burden of his own tedious company.
“We’re from the Master’s University of Sanitation Sciences, sir,
and we’ve been cleared by security to watch your operations for an
119
 |
 |
 |
 |