the amazing things the technicians all appeared to be doing.
“—Jeez-Louise, Marvin! You sure have big hands! You know
what people with big hands have, don’t you?” she said to a blushing
and gangly fellow who had been on a break, playing a computer
game, “Big
joysticks
! Ha ha!”
“—So explain something to me, Oliver,” she said to an unkempt,
cross-eyed dwarf, “How is it a handsome guy like you doesn’t have
pictures of all his girlfriends on his desk? Tell me the truth—you’re
modest, ain’t you?”
“—I read in a magazine that most women think intelligence is the
sexiest feature of a man. What do you think is the sexiest feature of a
woman, Cheng?”
And so on. Within a few minutes, nearly the entire lab was
crowded around Shiva, laughing in high-pitched giggles, whinnies
and snorts. Then, without warning, she unzipped the front of her
uniform low enough to give the technicians a bad case of vertigo, and
withdrew a small camera.
“Would you be so kind to take a picture of me with all these
hunks?” she said to the security guard, “I’d like to send a copy to my
girlfriends back home.”
Harvey readied himself. While the entire room was distracted by
Shiva’s burlesque, he planned to slide the motherboard out of the
machine and snatch the chip. Everything seemed to be going
swimmingly.
Then, oddly, two of the technicians broke off from the group and
returned to work before the photo session could commence. This was
a crisis. Harvey knew that he had to encourage these men to get in the
picture, but if he spoke he might blow his cover. Still, he didn’t
recognize these two. Perhaps if he disguised his voice.
He walked up behind them as they were talking.
“That is just so repulsive,” one of the guys was saying.
“What a hussy,” the other replied.
“I know. These guys don’t even notice us, and this bitch comes in
here and they’re like dogs on fire hydrants.”
Harvey understood. These two were gay. He decided to act fast.
“Ahem. Hi there!” he said, affecting what he thought a
homosexual ASPCA agent might sound like, “My, you seem to be
good at what you do!” he floundered.
“Who are you?” one of the technicians said to him.
“I’m, um Frank. See here, I was wondering if you two might get
H O L Y S H I T !
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