CHAPTER 18
They were en route to pull off the heist, and Harvey was telling the
monkey to sit still and behave himself. And to stop looking for
cigarette butts in the ashtrays.
“Does the chimp actually understand you?” Don Wong asked.
Even though he believed people could talk to plants, he was dubious
about this, “Even if he’s as smart as a human now, he couldn’t pick
up English so fast.”
“I don’t know,” replied Harvey, “But he likes me, and he seems to
trust me. Let’s hope that’s enough. After all, I’m responsible for his
development into a sort of super-monkey. He probably thinks of me
as his guru.”
“Well, let me warn you, Swami. The fate of mankind could rest in
that monkey’s ability to behave himself. I think we should drug him
again.”
The monkey screeched and tossed a handful of cigarette ash into
Don Wong’s face.
“Ack! Pathhheew” the old man sputtered. “The bastard
does
understand English!”
“Maybe. Or maybe he understands more than that,” Harvey
turned to his fuzzy pal and said, “Listen closely, Spinoza. It is of vital
importance that you go along with our plan to the letter. Of course, it
would be fun for you to screw everything up, however, there could be
disastrous consequences if you did. At that point, it would no longer
be fun for you, because then you would be dead. Understand?”
The chimp gazed thoughtfully into Harvey’s eyes and nodded. He
gestured for Harvey to light his cigarette. Harvey declined, instead
promising him a carton of Marlboros if he followed orders, which
proved to be an equitable agreement.
“Spinoza?” Don Wong asked. “The Dutch philosopher?”
Harvey said, “He believed God was in all things.”
“See, you’re not so different from us, Harv,” Don Wong said.
“It’s a matter of degrees.”
As the blue van rolled up to the curb, Don Wong once again went
over the plan with the six of them. Uniforms, equipment, procedures,
alibis and disguises were all checked. Emergency exit routes were
sketched. Secret code words were reviewed. Nails were bitten. A
nervous fart or two were emitted. And finally, with the soul of the
world watching, and Don Wong waiting in the van, they bravely set
H O L Y S H I T !
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