figured, he’d be a farmer like his foster cousin, Jud. But then when he
visited Jud’s farm he realized that, unlike Green Acres, real farming
was hard work, and the animals weren’t nearly as funny as they were
on TV. Then, he decided that he could work as one of those guys who
sold fudgesickles on the beach, but he talked to one of those guys and
realized it wasn’t as fun as it looked. You didn’t really make it with all
the beach babes like he thought. So finally, just to prove his foster
parents wrong, he got a job for a while getting people on the street to
compare different brands of cola. But after drinking it all himself and
getting rushed to the hospital with a caffeine overdose, he was fired.
Alas, it wasn’t easy deciding on a career.
But things had changed! Bob could now legitimately call himself
a highly-paid executive. With a little prodding on his part, he had
even been given business cards to prove it. They read “Bob
Rigmaroli, Executive Recreation Engineer, VTV, Incorporated” in the
professional-looking rainbow colors he had specially requested.
What’s more, he had people working under him too. Subject to his
superior judgment, his Assistant Recreation Engineers now sat with
him in the office they shared, and were hard at work applying their
skills to the general betterment of the company.
If only his foster parents could see him now! Unfortunately, they
had put a restraining order put on him after he and his friends
destroyed all their furniture and clothing trying to make the puppet
show. They had also gone through the better part of Trusty’s hair.
“Hey man! Check this out! I got to level seventeen and there’s this big
Troglodite Android waiting for me, packing a Lepton-beam phaser
and
a Schrödinger’s Catapult!” Bob exulted proudly.
“Excellent! Did you kill it?” asked Wade, rolling over from the
other side of the room.
“Yeah. I nailed it in the nuts with a spinning roundhouse kick.
You can’t be too easy on those guys.”
“You’re tough, man. I guess that’s why you’re the boss.”
“I guess so. Hey Len! What’re you doing? You’re not slacking on
the job, are you?” Bob inquired authoritatively.
“No way, man,” replied Leonard from across the room, his
wrecked baritone buoyed nearly into melodiousness by the
excitement of his new position. “I’ve broken into the main network
for this place and I’ve been checking out the private e-mail
correspondence. There’s some weird stuff going on here, let me tell
H O L Y S H I T !
106
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