“You think you’re pretty smart. Maybe you are. But being smart
hasn’t made you all that happy. Shoot! You drink more than all my
ex-husbands put together.”
She shuddered. The image of all her ex-husbands put together
made her toes curl in abject horror.
Before Victoria could assassinate his character any more, her
attempted reconciliation with Harvey was thwarted by the entrance
of Vlad, Jewel, Milo and Don Wong. A meeting had been arranged to
discuss possible strategies for stealing Harvey’s machine from the
VTV building.
“Well then, let’s get started,” said Don Wong, shuffling some
important-looking papers. “Anything you can see in this Jewlie?”
“Yes, that is affirmative, Don Wong,” replied Jewel in the most
businesslike tone she could muster, as this was the first time she had
been employed on such a professional level. Victoria was a little
frustrated by this. She wished that everyone would just talk
normal
.
“I see a lot of men in white coats staring at a machine and
shaking their heads.”
“Okay,” the Don said, “That must be them VTV scientists trying
to figure out the Epiphany Machine.”
“Brilliant,” said Harvey, “Madam, you have a true gift.”
“I also see, um, a masked monkey holding up a Megamart.” She
thumped the side of her head as if it was a TV and the reception was
bad.
“Yeah,” Milo added. “That was in the paper today. He’s been all
over L.A. Only demands lottery tickets. And cigarettes.”
“Interesting,” said Don Wong. “Vlad, anything?”
“Ahem, yes. Posing as a pizza-delivery agency, I called the VTV
offices and inquired whether or not they had tight security there.”
“What?” Don Wong shook his head.
“Bear with me, please. They said yes, they did. Then, when they
asked why I wanted to know, I shrewdly parried by insisting that, in
the interests of our safeguarding our secret sauce, we couldn’t just
deliver anywhere. I informed them that they had won forty pizzas but
that they could be delivered only under a cloak of utmost secrecy.”
“You moron! That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard!” screamed
Don Wong.
“Well, for your information,” Vlad replied coldly, “The woman I
spoke with agreed to circumvent security by letting us in through the
employee parking lot.”
H O L Y S H I T !
104
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